Under pretty enormous pressure from different parties regarding something which by no means is extremely important, but is nevertheless something major - the kind of impactful decisions that occasion would only arise 3 to 5 times in any given year.
I've been so used to considering other people's wishes. I've lost control of my own fate. I'm trying to pursuade myself to forget someone in my life - but I am unable to make it at right moment. Worse - I was not aware that I need to live for myself, not for any others.
That's why I'm disoriented - don't know where I'm heading, don't know what people want from me, don't know what I want from myself. Busy and important, full of engagements and responsibilities, but spending most of my time in firefighting. That's me.
I want to go out - stroll on the street deep in the night, live in a European city with much limitations yet full of opportunities, try new ways of life. Why not?
